Sunday, April 29, 2012

Some Truth

So.. maybe it's unfair to say it's that blatant... but I've certainly felt this way in the past.

Friday, March 23, 2012


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Recap 2011

I saw these questions on someone else's blog, so I'm stealing them and putting them on mine (just the questions, not the answers) 

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
Easy call, finishing the marathon was really an awesome experience and one I feel quite proud of.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
Recognizing that moving on with my life post divorce, means letting go of some things.  Primarily my house.  Short version: The numbers simply aren't working any more and the bank isn't willing to cooperate.  

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
Seeing a couple different online communities of mine blossom into what I would call real friendships.  

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?
Working around a bit of career crisis, luckily it just confirmed what really makes me happy in life.

5. Pick three words to describe 2011.
growth, strength, healing

6. Pick three words your [significant other] would use to describe your 2011 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).
confidence, training, optimism

7. Pick three words your [significant other] would use to describe their 2011 (again, without asking).
realizations, maturity, building

8. What were the best books you read this year?
The Help - was way better than the movie, and I'd still say I thought the movie was good.  
Escape - A thrilling and true story about one woman's escape from the FLDS compound

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
my boyfriend, my budding friendships

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
Realizing I can't contr.

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
I'm learning some determination and perseverance.

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
I'm learning to pray and trust God. I like control, but I'm slowly learning that it's really better when He is in control.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
Out, around the waist, mostly. :)

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
Several good friends have moved away (or already lived far away) and I feel like I've done a little bit of a better job keeping up with those friends and treasuring them.

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
Professionally - when I have a really difficult bug and I finally solve it. There is no greater feeling. At home, cooking a really delicious meal.

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
At work, dealing with frustrations brought on tight deadlines, miscommunications, and never working face to face with people. And home... finding the time and motivation to keep the house running etc.

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
learning to do some creative things in my freetime (gifts, webdesign). I'm very much learning, but enjoying the right brain outlet.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?
What other people think is not the most important thing.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2011 for you.
The difficult things are the things that taught me the most, so I shouldn't run from them.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Charlie Chaplin Speech

I found this touching and relevant

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

168 hours

A recent conversation I had sparked my interest in understanding exactly how much time we have in a week. 

Everyweek has 168 hours.  Ideally, I spend 52.5 of those sleeping (7 1/2 hours per day), which leaves me with 115.5 hours left. 

I also eat eat - averaging .5 hour meal and 3 meals per day, that gives me 10.5 hours per week.  If you include preparation time, I could easily add probably add 7 hours per week.  So 17.5 hours per week for food. 

I work, that's 40 hours per week, 45 when you include drive time. 

Showering and general maintenence for the day adds another 7 hours per week (1 hour per day). 

So after sleeping, eating, working and showering I would have spent 122 hours, leaving me with 46 hours left to do whatever. 

That "whatever" includes spending time with friends, family, running, reading and pursuing my other hobbies and interests.

Most weeks I want more whatever time.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

My History of Voting

Today is an election day.  It's an odd year and chances are that people are much more concerned with what will happen in 2012 than they are about the elections that will take place today.

To be fair I have not always participated in my duty as a citizen.  However, in November of 2004 I adamantly checked a box indicating I wanted another four year of Bush Jr.   It was my first presidential election that I had voted in and I was proud to be a part of it.  I was voting for my candidate of choice because he was an evangelical and pro-life.  I'd like to tell you I did a lot of additional research beyond this, but I really didn't.  

Two years later (in 2006), I checked a box making it more difficult for gays to have the right to marry in the state of Wisconsin.  At the time, I was defending the sanctity of marriage.    

That was only 5 short years ago.

It's amazing that my views have changed as dramatically as they have in this short span of time.  I see my earlier views as being single minded.  The institutions of thought I was involved in gave me the answers and I didn't need explore my own reason.  This imposed ignorance to my own capacity for thought is one that eventually left me hollow.   

I'm thankful that now my mind is a comfortable place to wander, even if that has made the "answers" more complicated.

It's my hope that my ballot decisions of the future will reflect a broader view and consequentially wind up on the other end of the spectrum.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

My faith or lack there of (part 4)

Previously to discovering the prayer study, I had been cautious about what I exposed myself too.  There were a couple podcasts I wouldn't listen to and books I wouldn't read.  Not a long list considering what some christians will avoid, but I considered my faith was "fragile" and I wanted for emotional reasons to hold onto it.  After the study though, the desire to understand the truth became all to strong and I dove in to reading and listening.

In a sort of last ditch effort I attempted to listen to Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis on Audiobook.  The arguments for God struck me as being solid, but not infallible and the arguments for Christianity were non-convincing.  I stopped listening when I got to the argument for why men and women were treated differently... because there basically was none.  It basically said men and women are different so therefore they are treated different... no further explanation.  Why are they different? What about the despairity in treatment?  Why are women unable to be clergy? nothing!

I also found a podcast called Reasonable Doubts.  This was perhaps the most detrimental to my faith (or most helpful to my skeptical mind - however you want to look at it).  They broke down many of the arguments that I had originally accepted to favor Christianity.  Including phychological explanations behind what might of caused my "spiritual experience". 

As the "research" continued, the Christianity I once knew and accepted as whole was failing to hold up to scrutiny.  Even a modified more liberal version of christianity while perhaps tolerable in lifestyle seemed illogical to me.   

Eye opening as it was, it was also leaving me a bit empty handed emotionally.  What of my community?  Much of my life was centered in the christian social network, and I really didn't know where to go.  I made a couple of earnest attempts at attending churches that I might be able to tolerate but nothing felt right or stuck.  It took time and energy to re-establish my social framework.   

So what do I call myself now?  Probably the term "atheist" is most appropriate.  I find very little reason accept any sort of anthropomorphic "god" notion.  However, I also pride myself on being intellectually honest and accept that we can't prove "lack of existence" of anything.  If there is a God, he should probably start answering prayers on average if he expects people to believe in him.

I've kept this information largely silent to my friends and family, though some know and I'm sure more have put two and two together.  I really struggle revealing my true colors on the issue... doubt and skepticism are not revered in the cultures I came from and most of the time I don't know even how to begin.  While I feel like my walk out of faith in christianity was a long process, I'm sure some of my friends will see it as more sudden.  I also have felt some sort of desire to protect them from losing their own faith as the process isn't always easy, though some of that sentiment has waned as of late.

This story is mostly complete but I feel it's important to not that I've left out the role that my previous marriage and relationship with my parents may have played in this process.  Those are stories in of themselves, and while interesting and relvant, I felt might be a bit of distraction to the original topic.  I hope uncover aspects of those stories in future posts.  I could have written a book if I had wanted to uncover every detail along the way, so I tried my best to stick to the highpoints.